Breaking up may be painful, to say the least. After all, there’s a rhyme and a purpose to all those heartbreak songs. Even though there’s a widespread belief that it’s simpler to break up with someone than to break up with someone, we maintain that it’s really difficult for everyone involved. The dissolution of a romantic relationship can be extremely difficult and unpleasant to deal with. You may be unclear of how to terminate a relationship even if you know it must end because no two relationships are the same, and no two breakups are the same either. POPSUGAR talked to relationship specialists to get the lowdown on the age-old dilemma: how do you break up with someone? to assist you through these difficulties.
Warning Signs That Your Relationship Needs to Be Ended
To begin the process of ending a relationship, you must first decide if you want to do it. There are a million and one reasons why you should split up with your spouse, but it all boils down to this: you should break up with your partner if you can’t reconcile the issues you’re having and it feels like you’ve attempted to resolve concerns without success. POPSUGAR talks to Kristen Casey, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and the owner of Evolve Psychological Services, who says that if a couple has tried everything to fix their relationship but still feels that the relationship is broken beyond repair, it may be time to talk about ending things.
Focus on your relationship’s communication habits, especially if you feel like you’re being respected. Couples should be on the lookout for signs that their relationship may be on the verge of a breakup, advises Dr. Casey. For instance, “couples calling each other nasty or unpleasant things without understanding that this may be painful or destructive, like a lack of apology” is an example.
If your safety is threatened in any manner, it’s time to call it quits with your spouse. To put it another way: If there is any danger to one’s health, well-being or life — or if the relationship is toxic — these are all signs that it’s time to call it quits, says Lisa Bahar of the practise Lisa Bahar Marriage and Family Therapy. Some changes are warranted when the situation is harmful.
Signs That Your Relationship Isn’t Worth Saving
It’s very normal to be undecided about whether or not to end your relationship. Find factors that should be making you question whether or not you should break up with your lover. You may want to seek out professional help if you’re willing to work on these issues with your partner and it’s a good setting for you to do so. For those who truly care about each other, are willing to work through issues, and are optimistic about their future together, Dr. Casey recommends couples therapy. It’s also not usually about calling it quits for good. In Bahar’s opinion, “there are signals that could not imply you shouldn’t break up, but instead consider separation with the option of possible reconciliation.”
Before You Begin a Breakup, Make Sure You’re Safe.
The safety of yourself and your loved ones should always come first. When you break up with someone, ask yourself, “Do I feel that my physical safety would be compromised?” In Dr. Casey’s words: People in abusive relationships or whose partners exhibit domestic violence-related tendencies should take this into consideration.
Create a breakup strategy before you break up with someone if you fear for your safety. Doctor Casey suggests “virtual methods of breaking up, such as phone, text or email” in this scenario. “In order to have greater support during the split, I would also consider telling a friend or family member about the problem.” The most important thing to remember is to keep yourself safe, both physically and emotionally.
Before you decide to call it quits on your relationship, learn to control your emotions.
When it comes to learning how to end a relationship, managing your own emotions and thoughts is the most important step. Whenever possible, Bahar advises, “avoid breaking up with a person when you’re feeling really emotional.” In order to make an informed decision, “take a moment to reflect.”
A positive, effective breakup can only be achieved if you are able to control your emotions during the process of ending a relationship, which is why Bahar recommends turning inward for aid in this regard. Bahar advises POPSUGAR readers to “listen to your intelligent thinking” or “your own wisdom”. Every person has their own way of accessing that, and it’s unique to them.” According to Bahar, the key to a healthy breakup is to connect with your own inner wisdom, which you can achieve through a variety of spiritual practises or through your beliefs.
‘How you react to yourself and others is influenced by how you do this,’ explains Bahar. Using good communication methods throughout a breakup can be guided by this inner direction, which can help you choose what is healthy and congruent with your personality.
Methods for Ending a Relationship
Breaking up with your spouse is easier if you are upfront and honest about your wish to end your relationship. The reasons for a breakup differ from person to person. There could be a lack of compatibility. If this is the case, you may have come to the conclusion that you don’t share enough shared interests to go out on dates. The two of you may no longer see eye-to-eye, or they may have shifted their priorities.
As Dr. Casey puts it, “you might have an in-person chat or a text conversation.” “It all depends on your level of comfort.” You may want to rehearse what you’re going to say to your spouse before you begin the talk. Dr. Casey advises that you practise talking to yourself initially. A good rehearsal technique is to look in the mirror and talk out loud to yourself about how you want to phrase things.
How to End a Relationship with Someone You Despise?
To break up with someone you love is difficult, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t problems that can only be solved by love. A relationship with unresolved issues may be better off ending than continuing on. There may be unresolved financial or communication issues that can’t be worked on, Dr. Casey explains.
Invite loved ones to share their views and feelings about your relationship so you can remember why you’re ending things with your spouse in the first place, even if listening to what they have to say is difficult. Dr. Casey tells POPSUGAR, “I’d consider reaching out to friends for further information.” I think they can assist us remember the reasons for breaking up because they may have seen things we haven’t.
Breaking up with someone for whom you still have feelings is also made easier by making a list. Dr. Casey recommends making a few lists as we contemplate breaking up with someone we care about. Breaking up has both advantages and disadvantages, so it’s vital to think about both before making a final decision. It’s also a good idea to think about the qualities you’re looking for in a relationship and see if they match up with the person you’re currently dating. Finally, what would your life be like if you stayed with your current companion?
For those who are still in love with a partner and are separating from them, let love’s principles guide your communication and reactions during the breakup process. You should draw on the elements of love to guide your reaction to how to end a relationship and how to care for your spouse during the breakup process, advises Bahar.
Getting Rid of Someone You Share a Residence With: A Guide
If you and your partner want to break up, but you still share an internet password, electricity bill, and a bed, you’ll need to find a way to end the relationship. “It’s critical to have a strategy before you break up with someone you live with if you’re thinking about it,” Dr. Casey says. Before you call it quits, look for a new place to call home and take care of any financial matters. While preparing for a breakup, Dr. Casey advises those who are living with someone else to think about things like separating pets and negotiating lease arrangements. Once you’ve figured out most of these issues, you can begin the breakup process.
Understanding and Managing Your Emotions After a Breakup
When it comes to coping with a breakup, it’s all about prioritising your own well-being. After a breakup, you’re likely to experience a wide range of emotions. Dr. Casey tells POPSUGAR that following a breakup, it’s normal to feel sad, relieved, or enraged. Respect those emotions after a breakup and allow yourself to feel them while returning attention to who you are as a person. If you’re going through a breakup, Dr. Casey suggests that you spend time with your friends and engage in activities that promote self-care, such as going to the spa or reading a good book.
It is imperative that you implement a safety plan following a breakup with an abusive partner or a domestic violence relationship. According to Bahar, “When you’re breaking up with someone who is violent and/or addicted to drugs or alcohol, that could put your health at risk.”
The One Love Foundation, a national non-profit organisation, recommends breaking up with an abusive spouse in a safe location, such as a public area, if you don’t feel safe breaking up with your partner.